QAD. Pakhet: She who Tears.

What is your earliest memory?

I'm gunna go with one from when we lived in Huddersfield. I'd have been about 4 (we lived in the pub at this time). In the living room of the pub, beside the tv was a China Leopard. I was obsessed with that thing, convinced that it came to life when I left the room. I used to talk to it and stroke it like you would a real cat, thinking that just because it didn't move when I was near it didn't mean that it couldn't hear me. I'm pretty sure I gave it some really dumb name, like Kitty or something, I wasn't the most creative 4 year old.

I remember that I tried to catch it 'moving' and so I put a video on (probably Robin Hood: Men in Tights) so that if I tried to creep up on it, it wouldn't hear me coming. I turned 'Kitty' round so that she was facing the tv and couldn't see the door and then told her I was going to get a drink and that I'd be right back. I left the room and stomped down the hall until I got to the top of the stairs. I 'ran' down them (ran up and down the top three steps a few times) and then crept back up. S had joined me by this time, asking what I was doing. He laughed when I told him about Kitty but joined in anyway, probably wanting to see the defeat on my face when I didn't catch the China ornament moving. We crept back along the hallway and stopped just outside the door. S tried to go in before me but after a lot of arm waving and holding my breath he let me check on Kitty first. I peeped round the door frame... She wasn't facing the tv anymore. She was on the fireplace.

I was amazed.

For a moment I couldn't move.

I'd caught her!

Kitty could move!

I tore down the stairs and into the bar, completely ignoring the fact that I shouldn't be here. I had to tell my nan. I had to tell her that Kitty could move! It was nearly too much for my 4 year old mind to grasp. I remember yelling at my nan that Kitty was on the fireplace and she just stared at me, confused as to who Kitty was and how I'd even gotten into the pub (the door connecting the pub and the house was always locked, the key hung out of my reach). She made me slow down and tell her (and the small group of people who had gather around the wide eyed me) everything again, slowly. I took a huge breath and told her about Kitty moving. My nan stared at me a moment and then walked towards the door to the house. She yelled S down and cracked him round the back of the head.

Turns out, S had been watching me as I tried to 'catch out' Kitty and had gone into the room when I wasn't looking, moved Kitty then agreed to help me. He shattered my dreams of Kitty ever moving in a matter of minutes.

Bastard.