Point up to the dark above you as they edit me from history

Some things are just too strange to comprehend.

I'm an idiotic, geeky, temperamental moron who would gladly deny the company of most people for the chance to sit and shoot Batarians in the face with a shotgun.

I would happily cancel on most people to read another chapter of whatever book I have propped open in front of me.

I would pass up the option of going to a restaurant to sit in a darkened room eating a too cheesy pizza watching an equally cheesy film whose title went something along the lines of; Dread *Insert vicious animal here* Vs Robo *Insert another savage animal here* In space 3.

I like fanfics about aliens that don't exist.

I like the romance scenes of the said unexisting aliens.

I wish they were real.

I wish my best friend was an alien.
I wish my best friend was Garrus.

But then I realise that my best friend is a boy who I sleep beside nearly every night and want to take back all my wishes.

Because he doesn't care that I'm an idiot.

He doesn't care that I tell him pointless facts when I know he's trying to listen to someone on his headset just because I like talking to him.

He doesn't care that I'm anti-social or that I don't want to go outside.

He doesn't care that I'm addicted to ME or that I probably have a bit of a crush on Thane or that I actually fret over who I'm going to romance on the game because I definitely don't want to tup Jacob.

I wish I was laid next to him right now, reading him a page of my book in a silly voice while he looked at me like I should be in a straight jacket.

As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me.

I've offically got the job.
The trail led to alot of scrapes and burns (you know, sharp knives and hot liquid really don't agree with me) but I got it.
I also got a complimentary burn from the bacon grill as a congratulations across my wrist.
Battle scar number 1!

I want the opportunity to take you for granted.

I got the job!
Well, I got the trail position which will fingers crossed lead to me getting the job full time.

But yeah.
I don't really have anything to say other than that.
I'm terrified about going tomorrow. They're putting me in a place where there's hot liquid. Me. A deliriously clumsy person who can't go a day without falling down the stairs or walking into a table.
Let's hope I make it out alive.


I've just heard Gerard Butler say 'boobies'. I don't think I've ever grinned so wide in all my life. He has a voice that makes that word sounds amazingly funny.

Golly Sandra, you've grown up really crazy.

I have a job interview tomorrow.
It's not for anything really amazing, just a local coffee shop that's just opened.
But if I get it and I get out of the house for more than an hour a day, it'll seem like a God send to me.
I'm so bored recently.
I have nothing to do.
I've cancelled WoW, my xbox is at Simons, music bores me, films bore me, I have no books that I haven't already read a million times.
I'm at a loose end!

So God please, let me get this job.

Inmates run the asylum but worst of all, I'm left tealess.

I'm feeling pretty fragile today. A good night out can do that to you I suppose. I honestly didn't expect it to be as good as it was, but then again, we ended up in a completely different place with completely different people.

There was an acoustic set on at Xscape so we abandoned the Counting House for something with a bit more substance. A couple of friends were already there but I was only bothered about 1 person there if I'm truly honest. It seems that everyone else has changed so much over the past few months. Or maybe I have and just haven't noticed it. I found myself not knowing what to say to a girl I've been friends with for 7 years, opting instead to take the easy road and pull faces and screw my nose up whenever I caught her eye. Although, she did have a face like thunder the whole time she was there, so maybe neither of us have changed and I just couldn't deal with her sour mood.

I shunned my usual drink of Southern Comfort and lemonade and opted to reach out, ordering every flavour of fruit vodka they had behind the bar until I found the one I liked the most. Which happened to be Mandarin. We were all sat round a tiny table on even tinier stools, swapping drinks and grimacing as we got one that we didn't like. Hats and headbands were handed round and tried on and pictures were snapped that will surface on the net sometime this week for the sole reason of letting me untag myself in every single one.

The set had already started when I turned up but it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. The 2 of them have been playing for a while and it used to be a weekly outing to go and listen to them. There was only 1 song that they sang that I hadn't heard before but it was this song that I sat and listened to the whole way through, without joining in any conversation, even though some was aimed at me and without taking my eyes off the singer.

It was beautiful.

It was a good night. Different from most, quieter than most but still a lot of fun.

Now as then is simple truth. Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth.

We daydream alone, forgetting the one place we call home.

I've gotten obsessed with fanfics recently.
I'm not proud of it, but I'll be damned to deny that some of them are effing brilliant!
If only they didn't have so much sex in them. It's like an episode of Rome!
I'm leaning more toward ME ones at the moment, what with me finally having finished it!
Some people can make game characters so bloody cute!

I have to admit, I'm at a loss with what to do with myself now that I don't get to shoot aliens in the face anymore. I'm tempted to start a new game, if only to get the 6 achievements I'm lacking to have it 100% completed but I fear that if I load that game up on the Xbox once more my boyfriend will actually banish me from his house.
I did play it quite a lot!

I tried a numerous amount of games yesterday/the day before (I'm not entirely sure what day it was/what day it is right now) in an attempt to redirect my attention away from the fact that I have another 10 months to wait for the next installment to the Shepard trilogy!

I attempted to kid myself into thinking I was man enough to handle Dead Space 2. 10 minutes is a record for me. I loathe games that make me jump! I'm rubbish at shooting, I'll admit that (not so bad at 3rd person for some reason though) but couple it up with constantly being on edge at the fact that something was going to pop round the rest corner and skewer me and I amounted to a shivering mess of failure.
So that got turned off and put back into the cupboard.

Next came Silent Hill: Homecoming. I realise that it isn't much better, but there's the whole 'lack of having to aim at anything' going for it so I figured it'd be less nerve-wracking.

Wrong.

If anything it was worse. It was darker than DS, weirder and involved a large amount of Bubblehead Nurses. I didn't have to aim, but the radio started to crackle and I was near tears with fear.
Back in the cupboard for that too.

At this point, Viva Pinata was looking like the safest option! But no! In swooped Splatter House (it didn't actually swoop, I noticed that it was on the window ledge under some books that I'd been reading the day before) and I was saved from dire boredom! It's a pretty good mind numbing game. You get to kill things with their own severed arms (you actually get to use your own severed arm at one point) but without it turning the game into the awful 'Horror' genre that I can't stand!

Only 11 days until Shadows of the Damned comes out and I can throw myself into another game and generally deprive myself of sleep again.
Bring it on!


Also, I've just noticed there's a moth flying round my room. I'm going to have to go cry now as I try and reduce it to a smear on the wall with the heaviest book I can lay my hands on!
Dirty insecty bastard!

Why so Sirius?

Touche Mr Black.
I laughed so much at this.
Also, would it count as Beastiality if you slept with Sirius Black?
What with the whole Animagus thing...

You're not getting any sleep tonight,

I've finally finished playing Mass Effect 2!
32 hours of pure unadulterated alien goodness. It has to be one of the best games i've ever played, other than Assassins Creed 3 (Brotherhood). The whole romance part of the game added a new twist and broke up the whole, go on a mission, shoot some aliens in the face, rinse and repeat crap. That's probably why I like Bioware games so much.
I totally seduced Thane (this time around, Garrus was my first choice. Then I realised that he looked ALOT like a dinosaur and broke it off). The final 'sex' scenes are awkward and badly done but it's bloody brilliant!

I took 2 attempts on the final mission. The first time round I had no upgrades and so everyone DIED! I had to watch Legion get blown up! I also had to cope with watching Thane get a steel gurder through his chest at 2 in the morning. It was awful!
I went back and mined minerals for like 4 hours just so I could ensure people survived.
We did.
I got the achievement and squealed!
I felt like God.

And now?
I'm gameless unless I play Dragon Age 2 again for the third time...
Shadows of the Damned needs to hurry up and come out!!

That or I should be able to travel forward in time to the release date of ME3!!
Or Assassins Creed 4.

Either one would do, I'm not fussy :D

How can crazy horses drag a secret from anyone?

I went to Tropical World on Sunday.
I haven't been in years!

It was shit.
I'm sorry to say it but it was. We got lost on the way there (that was actually the funniest part of the entire day) and had to pay 3 quid to walk around in a place that was too hot to breathe in. I had to pay 3 quid to look at some plants and have a woman continually run into the back of my legs with a pram while the kid grabbed my tights and legs in a way to get me to move so he could see the crappy plants. I'm aware that I sound childish and petty but I was stoked for this trip. If I couldn't go to the Deep, I figured I'd go to the next best place.
But no.
All the way round I was comparing it to the Deep.
The fact that there were no sharks was the ultimate kick in the teeth. I knew there wouldn't be any, but hey, if you can have crocodiles, what are a few small sharks?
The meerkats were cute though. But once again the pram woman ruined it when her kid headbutted me in the back of the knee trying to get round me.
Little bastard.

The Coal Mining Museum didn't fare much better.
We got there too late to go on the tour and so walked around. And all the horses had been put away so all we could do was read about mining. And we got locked in a little room with a load of weird dolls and it was dark and Will looked like he was gunna cry when we couldn't get the automatic door to work.

I'm not going to anymore museums unless they contain sharks. And are called the Deep. And I'm surrounded by the only people I know who can endure my socially unacceptable talk about sex and whatever rubbish comes into my head. And there are only 4 people who spring to mind. 1 who I'm seeing, 1 I'm related to and the other 2 are the greatest people on the whole planet!


I would also like to say that I'm offically disgusted at the internet as of Saturday when I came across a sexual fanfiction containing Predator.
Yes.
The whole weird mandible faced alien from the film of the same name.
It was horrible.
And that is the biggest understatement in the history of the world.
But you guessed it. To know it was horrible, I must have read it to the end...
Guilty as charged :D

To my Dearest Ophelia,

I'm sorry that I've filled your hard drive with nothing but music from a time that I didn't exist in.
I'm sorry that I've filled you with films that contain zombies and nothing else.
I'm sorry that I broke your number nine key when I dropped you down the stairs.
I'm also sorry for actually dropping you down the stairs. 3 times.
I'm sorry that I spilt Fanta all over you.
I'm sorry that I never shut you down.
You need updating but I keep putting it off and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I make you play Prince all the time.
And Meatloaf.
And Falco.
You contain pictures that should never have been taken!
You hold videos that should never have been recorded.

How I love you for not crashing more than the usual laptop.
How I love you for continuing to remain virus free even though you have no protection for nearly a year.
If you could understand I'd buy you a present!
But you are not self aware (yet).
Even so, how I love you.

Confessions of a so called Queen.

I'm an embarassment to all of girl kind.

I'm sat, sporting a Bruce Springsteen tee that's 2 sizes too big for me, a pair on denim shorts that cannot be seen under the tee shirt, reading a fan fic that is 1 sex scene away from being purely gay porn and slowly working my way through 6gb of Bruce Springsteen albums that are stored in Ophelia.
That is not how a 19 year old girl is supposed to act!
I'm supposed to have make up on!
I'm supposed to be dressed in something that isn't amazingly stupid and embarassing! I'm supposed to be listening to now time music, not something my dad introduced to me at the age of 5 and have been in love with ever since!
I'm a failure to the feminine species.
I'd make a better boy.I'd make a MUCH better boy.

I'm in dire need of a job or I feel I'll be stuck like this forever, slowly but surely getting worse.
I'm drawing the line at Meatloaf!
Garth Brooks I can cope with, but as soon as I buy a Meatloaf album, I'm throwing myself off the nearest bridge.

Justin Beiber couldn't even tie Prince's shoes!

I will never be able to listen to this song without smiling.

It was probably a very happy ending.

It's Mothers Day tomorrow!
Even though I'm amazingly poor I got my mum a card. She might be a moron who thinks only about herself but she still gave me a place to live for 19 years. It might not have been the greatest place and she might not be the greatest mum but she's mine.
Moving out was probably a good idea. I can deal with her on my terms and see her when I want to, not just because I have nowhere else to be.
I enjoy getting a phone call from her and the atmosphere when I see her seems to be better. Even if we do just stand in the kitchen and talk while she cooks breakfast...

'Turn this way, look at me.'

Read this.

I don't usually like stuff like this but a friend of mine told me about it so I thought I'd give it a go.
It's made me cry so many times that my eyes are hurting.
It's such a bitter sweet story.
Some parts are horrible but I understand that they're necessary.
I also admire that she did it for such an important cause.
It's not completed yet but still, I really think it's worth the time it takes to read.
Anyway.
I really think you should read it if you stumble upon this blog (:

How can you not feel it? What are you, DEAD?!

I need my hair sorting out.
I want it back ginger.
I want it curly again.

Anyway. I've spent all day baking. I've burnt my hand but damn the cake looks nice. Waiting for it to cool so I can ice it and then you shall recieve pictures.

They are not demons, not men, BUT DOGS!

I'm in desperate need of sleep. My eyes feel like boiled eggs and I'm sure that if I looked in the mirror they would resemble some. I've had 2 hours sleep. I was running round the park at 6 this morning! Although I did feel like an ice cube when I got in.
I also decided at a silly time last night/this morning/ ungodly time that I should have been asleep if I was normal that it would be a good idea to stretch my ears again so now they've joined in the hurting too.

My Ben Templesmith novels got dug out the other day, much to my joy and relief. He's possible the greatest man alive on the face of this Earth in my opinion. His books are brilliant. The art is beautiful yet horrid at the same time. There's no detail and yet there is more than enough. The drawings are simple but that's why I love them. Everything that needs to be conveyed is done so without fuss. It's just there on the page, waiting for. you to find it.

Lookie here!!!!!
He's the only thing I'd want to live in America for <3

Wormwood 1 is back in print. That has to be my favourite of all the series. I've been trying to get hold of it for so long now I almost gave up.
I also really want Fell.
I'll get it one day.
Hell anything he's drawn would be wonderful.
Maybe he'll read this and send me a copy.
*crosses everything she can possibly imagine*
I'm allowed to wish right?

'We take all the males and use them as orc bait.'

Getting the giggles at 4 in the morning is NOT a good idea. Especially when you can't laugh quietly.
I can't sleep.
I've tried, but I'm too warm and my stomachs cramping up again.

To think about rules now would be meaningless...

My WoW friends gone. Gunna be lonely only being able to kill myself for a while ):
I really need to get J playing it again but he's too busy shooting people in the face. Game wise, not IRL.
Life at my nans is going ok. It's a lot quiter here than how it is back at mums but at the same time, I kinda miss all the noise and running about.

Roast space beef.

I think I'm going mad. It might be a defense mechanism to cope with all the uproar recently but I'm 99% sure that I am infact, losing my mind. I've been laughing now for nearly 3 hours. Not a constant laugh, because I think I'd have died by now, but random squeaks of joy when I remember anything that is remotely funny.
Wouldn't be quite so bad if my laugh didn't annoy me.
My real laugh, the horrid yet amazing witch cackle has disappeared, only to be replaced by a sharp intake of breathe that produces a squeak.
Yes.
A squeak.
Every time I do it, J turns round and gives me a foul look, convinced I'm doing it to annoy him.
Maybe I should start?

What's wrong with this picture?

I've realised that I either have to be; not looking at the camera, pulling a stupid face or be EXTREMELY drunk for me to look remotely good in a photo.
Scroll down for proof.












































































Obvs this isn't me. I just think it's amazing <3

For a lack of better words 'SHUT YO FACE!'

"Those jeans make your ass look huge."
"Don't sit like that, you look like a man."
"That twang in your voice is HORRIBLE Jessie."
"I think you need to dye your hair, ginger doesn't suit you."

Oh how I love the compliments I recieve :')

How can ginger not suit me? It's my natural hair colour for crying out loud!
I really need to go and pick my Xbox up but there's no one available until the weekend.
Boooo!

I'm like 2 peneth of drop dead.

I've moved out.
It's weird that the house that I only used to visit has now become my home. I wonder when she's gunna run out of stories to tell me. Hopefully the answer is never. I like hearing about my childhood from another point of view. I still ask if I can get something to eat out of habit and text to say that I'm coming round. My nan gets mad, telling me to stop being stupid, that I live here now and no longer have to ask, but it's engrained. All the years this has been a refuge and now I live here. I can't seem to accept it just yet.

You're the only Space Cow that I like.

LOL!
It's not a seedy site, I promise.
The video IS suitable for work.
That I also promise :')

I want a caterpillar like that.

I could have been a contender.

Why don't we get this kinda stuff in England?

Watch that and tell me, honestly, that you wouldn't go to the cinema to see it.
I can tell you know, I'd be the first one in the queue :')

For those of you who didn't trust me enough to click on it without thinking I'd sent you to some seedy website...












TADA!
This is so much better than the hyena pictures.
By a million times.

I wont be saying that when I wake up in the middle of the night to it hanging over me :')

"All assassins are fucked up in some way. Nothing surprises me anymore."

2 posts in one night.
My, I AM spoiling you.

After the Res post, I couldn't help but show you this.
My all time favourite game.
This is the only reason I own a Wii.

"I'm weary of this gilded world, all glitter, no soul."
P.s. Ignore the Call of Duty advert. It sucks.

"To the window, to the walls, 'til the sweat drops off my..." "Don't you DARE!"

Hi :D
I promise that I'm not gunna moan today/yesterday/ this morning.
I looked back and realised that I whine, alot.
Dear God I want to be sick.
Why?
Why would that be arousing?
Eurgh *shudders*.

I hate eggs.

Pour vous.

I think I need to take some time away from WoW. It's in my dreams again, which is never a good sign. The last thing to make it into my dreams was Resident Evil. This may not sound so bad. Nightmares from watching it before bed you might be thinking.
Wrong.
This was from playing the game.
16 hours straight.
A day.
For roughly 2 month.
It got really bad when I realised that my upstairs landing had the same layout as the landing of the East Saving room. A place where as you first open the door, a zombie appears at the side of you, ready to maul you and eat your brains as a warm and tasty bed time snack if you haven't mastered the controls (which is god damn hard to do). If like me, you had mastered the controls, you could fluently turn to the side, raise your gun and launch a bullet into his head. If not. Well, let's just say, unless you made a zombie roast, the East Save wasn't so East safe.

This is what came back :')

















Me and a friend started naming the zombies so they weren't as horrifying when they opened doors (apparently they can do this) or jumped through windows.
There was Vomiting Jimmy (he threw up acid on you as you tried to run past him on the stairs).
Peaches guarded the East Save room the first time you got there.
Marcus was the one we kept alive the longest. It was easier to have him alive and walking along the upstairs balcony, then dead (but not for long) and coming back as a Crimson Head (see above).
Then there was...













But.
The less said about him, the better :')

None of them will ever love you the way I do.

Look how dedicated I am to you.
I logged out of Enenria just to come and update. This is partly because A made me feel guilty about not updating when I saw her.
I'm in the middle of a crisis that may lead to moving house YET AGAIN! I don't know if my tiny mind can cope with packing my life up in boxes and carting them to a different place for the third time this year. IT'S ONLY MARCH! I'm still on the fence with this one though. I'm scared that if I do move, the problems it will cause else where wont be worth the end result. But I suppose I'll get to that when the time comes.

I'm getting extremely fed up of the weather. The miserable sky is not helping my mood, nor is it helping me make up my mind. I'll sit staring out of the window, wondering what birds must do when it rains rather than trying to sort my own life out.
I know you're all going 'Stop playing WoW then you stupid bitch.' but I don't want to. It gives me something to take my mind off it, and for a little while, I don't have to worry that my new decision may just break my family apart at the seams.
And so I continue to play.

...

You know you love someone when you can sit next them, just after they've farted and know that it doesn't get much better than this.

Booooooo!

I sit here looking at this blog nearly every day, trying to pull ideas out of my game rotted brain that would entertain anyone who happened to stumble upon this pile of rubbish. And nearly everyday I just close the web page and load up something else. I have nothing really to talk about if you take out the bf and WoW, neither of which will entertain anyone who doesn't know/ play the said topics. Obviously you can't play the bf, that's what my role is...
It's come to my attention that I have failed in life once again.
The job interview that I didn't mention here due to me not wanting to jinx it, went badly.
The day started badly, I cried, I panicked, I cried some more, I missed a funeral, I didn't get the job, I sat in my room for several hours not knowing what to do with myself. It didn't sink in straight away what had happened to me.
I had woken up that morning feeling confident, I had been there before, the people who were going to interview me didn't scare me, I'd worked with them before. I had had my online friend wish me luck in 2 different languages the night before. I really thought I was going to do ok.
And then it happened.
Something went wrong.
I'm not going to say what happened, because unless you were there, it would just seem like a pointless and idiotic complication that could have been easily fixed. But I panicked. And I couldn't cope. No one was helping me. Everyone was making things harder for me. I burst into tears in the middle of the street.
I got there in the end but the day was already ruined. My confidence had gone. My stutter came back. I knew I wasn't going to do it.
And I didn't.
It was a huge kick in the teeth for me.
One of many recently I suppose.

On a nicer subject. J and I have been together 9 months now.

Here I come, crawling back, with my tail between my legs.

World of Warcraft is having 'technical issues' (in real life it's showing me how much it hates me by breaking when I'm only 3 bars away from 85) so I'm trying to pass the time by blogging.
I'm a horrible internet user.
Between blogging and loading up the login screen of WoW, i'm constantly refreshing the guild forum to see if they've granted me access to said forum.
I feel like a drug addict waiting for my next fix.

I've moved house.
Again.
I'm not even sure if any of you are aware I moved at all to be perfectly honest.
If I even have to unpack another box, I'm going to burst into tears and join the cat in the cupboard.
The boxes I had previously packed seemed to have been done so while I was either:
a) drugged out of my face
b) in the middle of a caffine high or,
c) in a complete I cba mood.

I'm going to go with b and c.
There was an empty shoe box.
Yes, an EMPTY box.
There was also half a pack of cards and a bag of bat confetti.
I dread to think what I'm going to find when I move out.

WoW is now lying to me and saying that I have internet connection...
I'll show it no internet connection.

You know what.
I really can't be bothered pouring my past 2 month out to you.
I'm going to go watch Broadwalk Empire and swear at the lack of WoW every now and then.